I'm finding myself with a lot to say, but not being able to say it. I feel somewhat like I'm suffering from literary locked in syndrome. I guess the old saying is true, if you don't use it, you lose it. I used to think that only applied to body building and language learning, but I guess it applies to many other things as well.
I have been thinking a lot about the direction my life has\is\will be taken\taking and I find that things aren't as clear as they seemed to be in the past. This is alright though; because that means that I'm not alone. After all, isn't this part of the human condition? I am convinced though that if we always knew the whats, whys, and the wherefores, we would either lose those moments when we suddenly feel linked to the universe and everything makes startlingly clear sense, or we would, even worse, lose an appreciation for those very special moments. While I lived in England, I saw a lot of castles, and throughout my travels through Europe, I saw many beautiful cathedrals. How does this connect with my previous thought, you ask. Let me tell you. I soon found myself not feeling that sense of awe and wonder that I felt when I saw my first castle, or my first cathedral, and it saddened me. The good news is that as soon as I became cognizant of this lack of gobsmackedness, (nice word, eh? I just made it up), I decided to change how I experienced things and I soon found myself gobsmacked (probably my favourite word in the English language) again.
To be honest, I am pulling a sort of stream of consciousness thing here. I usually sit down with a focused idea as to what I want to write, but I haven't had one of those since December 8, 2009, which was when I last posted. However, since this blog is the only form of writing that I have been able to do since... well, since for a long time, I don't want to let this dry up. The fact that I am writing at all right now is a good thing, even if it is short. Having said that, I will try to commit to writing every week at least, if not more.
This means that this post will be shorter than some, and much less poignant than others... if any of my posts can be considered poignant that is.
I have actually been brewing and percolating some thoughts and ideas, and as the beginning of this post states the material is there, but I have just been unable to communicate it. Give me a couple more days and hopefully I will be back to my old self, spewing forth words, thoughts, ideas, and images that will leave you... well... gobsmacked.